Choice (not referring to the weekend)

Just last Friday until Sunday, I was attending the Choice weekend. I was actually kinda expecting it, but worries because of the piling lecture notes, assignments, and a lot of other activities made me felt really lazy to go. However, attending it was rewarding, just like what it is used to be when I happen to choose a wise choice but with some sacrifices, as always.

What are the most important things in your life? I guess most of us have attempted to answer this question but maybe left it unanswered (or blurry answered). Choice (but I don’t want to say ‘only’ Choice) helped me to wipe the always blur spectacle that I wear. At least it is not as blur as before. With the small spaces provided, I will share with you one or two things I found in the retreat that have left me some impressions.

“Who am I?” is the question “What are the most important things in your life?” translated deeper. A more personal one with the identity of ‘I’ more strongly embedded in it. I am a person full of lacking. I can’t do this, I can’t do that. Then, while looking at the others so successful in their achievements, I feel sorry for myself. There is this feeling of inferiority. It makes me struggle and sometimes envy my friends, even the closest one. Then, I learned that I have to strive, to be harder in working, studying, etc to achieve the feeling of self-fulfillment. I began to redistribute my time, sometimes in wails because of un-satisfactions, sometimes in hard work, sometimes in the mask that I created to hide, but forgetting the others, friends, family, and God. I need achievements. “You have to work hard to achieve your goal,” remembering what my parents always said (I think that parents’ advice are not necessarily correct for all circumstances). But in the end, I feel like I have lost something. Have I achieved what I wanted? Between yes and no, I guess. Something more and more can be done. Something and it never ends. There is a hole inside my heart, sucking all….. And I ended up working even harder for the seemingly unending goals.

Have you felt like that before? Maybe yes, but I hope not. I was told that the question “Who am I?” is a wrong question. It is imperfect. Quoting a passage in a session in the Choice weekend, self discovery cannot be accomplished by a person in isolation, as if a person were an island unto himself or herself. Balanced view of ourselves comes from belonging to others and allowing them to become significant to us. Then, the correct question is “To whom do I belong to?” Maybe unknowing this is what makes us feel unsatisfied all the time. Belonging lies in the others, communities, friends, family, and in God. It is a feeling of acceptance, something that we can rely on, and the feeling of being loved and loving; and we need them permanent, unceasing.

As we are walking in this Lenten journey, let us reflect on ourselves. Have we been so much ambitious that we sacrifices the others, communities, friends, family, God, and in the end, ourselves? Ambition is not necessarily bad, but management of ambition is needed. It was that God created human not only himself, but with a partner and children by his side.
God Bless

Reconcile Our Relationship with God

As we are entering the 4th week of Lent, have you prepared yourself for Easter? Is there any improvement that we make during this Lent period? Have you tried your best to be a good child of God? Do you try to spend more time with Him in the midst of your business during this period?

Easter is a glorious occasion where we celebrate Jesus' everlasting love for us through His death on the cross and His resurrection. Jesus died because of our sins and He wants to cleanse us from sin. But, as a human being, we are so weak and easily tempted to do sins. Many times, consciously or unconsciously, we go against His will. Every time we sin, we lash Jesus' body and nail Him and put ourselves further and further from Him. But Jesus will always be there waiting for us to come back to Him and He is ready to embrace us with his everlasting love, just as the father who welcomes back the prodigal son.

That's why we need to reconcile our relationship with God through the sacrament of reconciliation. We might think that confessing our sins in our personal prayer is enough, but actually it is not. We need to receive the sacrament of reconciliation because it is the 'special celebration' where God welcomes us, His children, that choose to come back to His side.

During the confession, the priest is sitting in the name of Christ, thus when he says "...I absolve you,.." it is actually God himself that forgives us. Every sin, even the most private and personal sin, has implications to the larger community around us, thus there is no such things as a private sins.

When we confess our sin, the most crucial part is when we examine our conscience. That is the moment when we reflect and recall things that we have done against God's will. For this part, I suggest that you read the list of questions for the examination of conscience that may help your personal reflection (usually contained in the later part of the Novena book).

After we reconcile ourselves with God, we are ready to welcome the Easter as a new person who leave our past sins behind. Hopefully before this Easter all of us have come home as his children who have wholeheartedly said the act of contrition:

"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You,
and I detest all my sins, because they deserve your just punishment.
But most of all, because they offend You, my God, who are all good
and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace,
to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen."

God Bless,

Randy Williams