Choice (not referring to the weekend)
Just last Friday until Sunday, I was attending the Choice weekend. I was actually kinda expecting it, but worries because of the piling lecture notes, assignments, and a lot of other activities made me felt really lazy to go. However, attending it was rewarding, just like what it is used to be when I happen to choose a wise choice but with some sacrifices, as always.
What are the most important things in your life? I guess most of us have attempted to answer this question but maybe left it unanswered (or blurry answered). Choice (but I don’t want to say ‘only’ Choice) helped me to wipe the always blur spectacle that I wear. At least it is not as blur as before. With the small spaces provided, I will share with you one or two things I found in the retreat that have left me some impressions.
“Who am I?” is the question “What are the most important things in your life?” translated deeper. A more personal one with the identity of ‘I’ more strongly embedded in it. I am a person full of lacking. I can’t do this, I can’t do that. Then, while looking at the others so successful in their achievements, I feel sorry for myself. There is this feeling of inferiority. It makes me struggle and sometimes envy my friends, even the closest one. Then, I learned that I have to strive, to be harder in working, studying, etc to achieve the feeling of self-fulfillment. I began to redistribute my time, sometimes in wails because of un-satisfactions, sometimes in hard work, sometimes in the mask that I created to hide, but forgetting the others, friends, family, and God. I need achievements. “You have to work hard to achieve your goal,” remembering what my parents always said (I think that parents’ advice are not necessarily correct for all circumstances). But in the end, I feel like I have lost something. Have I achieved what I wanted? Between yes and no, I guess. Something more and more can be done. Something and it never ends. There is a hole inside my heart, sucking all….. And I ended up working even harder for the seemingly unending goals.
Have you felt like that before? Maybe yes, but I hope not. I was told that the question “Who am I?” is a wrong question. It is imperfect. Quoting a passage in a session in the Choice weekend, self discovery cannot be accomplished by a person in isolation, as if a person were an island unto himself or herself. Balanced view of ourselves comes from belonging to others and allowing them to become significant to us. Then, the correct question is “To whom do I belong to?” Maybe unknowing this is what makes us feel unsatisfied all the time. Belonging lies in the others, communities, friends, family, and in God. It is a feeling of acceptance, something that we can rely on, and the feeling of being loved and loving; and we need them permanent, unceasing.
As we are walking in this Lenten journey, let us reflect on ourselves. Have we been so much ambitious that we sacrifices the others, communities, friends, family, God, and in the end, ourselves? Ambition is not necessarily bad, but management of ambition is needed. It was that God created human not only himself, but with a partner and children by his side.
God Bless
What are the most important things in your life? I guess most of us have attempted to answer this question but maybe left it unanswered (or blurry answered). Choice (but I don’t want to say ‘only’ Choice) helped me to wipe the always blur spectacle that I wear. At least it is not as blur as before. With the small spaces provided, I will share with you one or two things I found in the retreat that have left me some impressions.
“Who am I?” is the question “What are the most important things in your life?” translated deeper. A more personal one with the identity of ‘I’ more strongly embedded in it. I am a person full of lacking. I can’t do this, I can’t do that. Then, while looking at the others so successful in their achievements, I feel sorry for myself. There is this feeling of inferiority. It makes me struggle and sometimes envy my friends, even the closest one. Then, I learned that I have to strive, to be harder in working, studying, etc to achieve the feeling of self-fulfillment. I began to redistribute my time, sometimes in wails because of un-satisfactions, sometimes in hard work, sometimes in the mask that I created to hide, but forgetting the others, friends, family, and God. I need achievements. “You have to work hard to achieve your goal,” remembering what my parents always said (I think that parents’ advice are not necessarily correct for all circumstances). But in the end, I feel like I have lost something. Have I achieved what I wanted? Between yes and no, I guess. Something more and more can be done. Something and it never ends. There is a hole inside my heart, sucking all….. And I ended up working even harder for the seemingly unending goals.
Have you felt like that before? Maybe yes, but I hope not. I was told that the question “Who am I?” is a wrong question. It is imperfect. Quoting a passage in a session in the Choice weekend, self discovery cannot be accomplished by a person in isolation, as if a person were an island unto himself or herself. Balanced view of ourselves comes from belonging to others and allowing them to become significant to us. Then, the correct question is “To whom do I belong to?” Maybe unknowing this is what makes us feel unsatisfied all the time. Belonging lies in the others, communities, friends, family, and in God. It is a feeling of acceptance, something that we can rely on, and the feeling of being loved and loving; and we need them permanent, unceasing.
As we are walking in this Lenten journey, let us reflect on ourselves. Have we been so much ambitious that we sacrifices the others, communities, friends, family, God, and in the end, ourselves? Ambition is not necessarily bad, but management of ambition is needed. It was that God created human not only himself, but with a partner and children by his side.
God Bless
posted by Gibran | 3/27/2007
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